Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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