I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
