I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
