Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..