i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.