Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"