mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated