You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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