Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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