2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
