Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
