I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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