u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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