I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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