Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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