that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
