I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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