We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
