does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
