dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
