I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
