Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
