apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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