Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize