my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
