apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
