this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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