I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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