Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
