I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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