The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
