why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
