We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
