Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think my tv is drunk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
