why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't deserve a penis
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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