I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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