your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
