All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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