so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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