oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
