I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
