No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
