I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
