girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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