im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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