I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
