I bet he comes in French.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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