You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
