in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
