i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
