You made me cry and you don't even care
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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