First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
