You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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