Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
