whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
