All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
