I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
