and she was petting her beer can
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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