I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
