hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
