I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
