It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
