I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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