Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
