remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
