You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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