My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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