Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
