I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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