if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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