I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
