i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
