my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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