I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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