No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
