im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
