what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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