My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
