No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
