No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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