you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
